2,5 & 9. Plus money always makes me happy so I get 6 for free.
1 is the monkey’s paw answer and a trap. Fat is necessary for survival. Fats literally make up the outside of every cell in your body.
2 is still dangerous, because it might just be tapeworm eggs.
Is 3 just a servant who shops for you? Or is it just that you are no longer addicted to compulsive shopping?
4 Will cause you the most agonizing pain of your life as virtually every bone and muscle gets ripped apart and re-knit, and as someone who’s 6’4, it has its upsides, but having literally everything made for people shorter than you REALLY sucks, from doorways and light fixtures, even to rollercoasters which nearly remove your legs because of awful design (or just won’t close over your shoulders)
5 is nice. Go with 5. It’ll be painful, but potentially worth it in a pinch, as long as it also grants you control of that strength.
6 is another trap, since small amounts of stress are actually really important, and in order to be constantly happy, your brain would lose the ability to feel it unless it continually increased the dopamine drip. Eventually, you would kill for the ability to stop.
7 I mean, sure, if that’s what you want. Would be nice to know what kind of followers? Are they going to be religious and try to pull a Life of Brian on you?
8 is the worst, because you have no control over the extent of the memory wipe. This is existentially terrifying
9 is the safest, but then you go and read that post about why winning the lottery means you’re fucked.
The surefire safest calls are probably 9, 7, and 3, since they wouldn’t actually affect your body, unless you’re the kind of person who likes playing roulette with the sort of pills you get for free on the street.
2 would eventually kill you, just more slowly than 1. Unless you never forget to eat and are always able to.
How. Two is just don’t gain weight. It doesn’t say anything about losing weight or about healthy nutrition. For those of us with a tendency to gain, this is all positive.
My most pressing health concern under my control is my weight. As an adult already overweight, I would be very happy to at least never weigh more than I do now
Check your weight in the morning then later in the day. It always fluctuates, with your overnight fast/ not drinking water making you lose some weight if you couldn’t gain any but could still lose weight, you’d eventually wither away.
Umm well i didn’t need the 1 and 2 and 3 so i was about to take 7 9 5 but after seeing that i am scared to even choices anything
5, 6, 9. Come on now.
5-6-9
1 already covers 2, and I have enough of 6. Happy all the time would probably turn me into an even lazier person. A little concern now and then keeps me engaged with the world.
1, 5, 9. Health, strength, $$$$$.
1 kills you because you need some fat to live
Dang it!!! Ahhhhh! I can’t store fat-soluble nutrients anymore! Ahhhhhhh
2, 5, 9
I would be so happy.
2, 6, 9
Skinny, happy, and rich - perfect combo!
5,6,9 easy.
Some are void if you are always happy.
2, 5, 9
Easy: 1, 4, 5. I don’t care about the rest, don’t need it or find it scary.
1 would kill you pretty quickly. You physically need to be able to store fat from food, plus it sounds like it might just delete all the fat you have, which would kill you immediately.
It’s also water store. You dehydrate very quickly without constantly drinking Gatorade. It’d have to be Gatorade or an equivalent for your body to absorb it fast enough. Or a saline IV.
Hard to find now, but I’ve seen pictures of what people look like at extremely low (<4%) body fat. Every little detail in the muscle pops right out. It doesn’t look attractive or healthy in any way.
I understood it as no excess fat. So maybe 5% but no less.
Yeah a lot of this depends on whether it’s a monkey paw situation but as is the question isn’t what you want, it’s what the pill literally says it does.
With 5, 7 and 9 I could start a cult.
The only one I could use would be 5.
If I had to pick 4, 5, 9 and donate the money.
I think 5 and 9.
i don’t really want the rest.
Agreed, those are my only two choices as well.
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I feel like the first two are basically the same thing and are also asking for a monkey’s paw sort of scenario to happen.
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I don’t want to stop shopping because there are things I want that can’t be obtained for free.
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I’m not the tallest, but I don’t feel any particular need to be any taller.
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I don’t want my emotions regulated to always be happy, because then you basically never truly are.
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Followers are overrated and creepy.
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And I’d never want to forget an ex because I’d end up losing a lot of good memories in the process.
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5 only says you gain strength, controlling it may be a difficult task
5 could monkey’s paw kill you like most of the rest of these. I think 4, 8, and 9 are your best bet if you have to pick 3 and you want to survive in a non-terrifying way.
6, 8, 9 easy call
Revenge of the MonkeyPaw:
1 you are allergic to eating fat and can no longer eat any fat whatsoever.
2 your body has lost its ability to process nutrients, making you starve to death.
3 you’re banned from every store on earth.
4 only your neck gets 5cm longer.
5 but only in your dreams.
6 you can not feel anything but happiness - no pain, anger, sadness, nothing but joy.
7 and you’re awaiting your trial as you’re a KKK NeoNazi kult leader.
8 you get Alzheimer’s disease.
9 but you cannot access it because the government froze your account due to being investigated in a money laundering scheme.
Ah yes my favourite trend of monkey paw: removing the fking benefit instead of giving side effects, while making things worse
Oh, right! The monkey paw does it to someone else most of the time, like “you get the money but someone else dies and the money is compensation or inheritance”
It’s more like conservation of karma. You get a thing you wanted at a price you weren’t prepared to pay.
Trying to follow those guidelines, I would guess the list would be something more like:
1: Nothing changes, the only difference is that if you would otherwise put on more body fat than you currently have, the excess fat gets turned to horrible uncontrollable diarrhea that hits with no warning, so now you have to be on a diet for the rest of your life or else you’ll shit yourself in public.
2: Has to spend the rest of your life eating more than you burn as any weight you lose would be permanently lost, which will eventually kill you unless something else kills you first. This is computed by your original weight, so even if you would be fine with 800 calories, you must consume your current maintenance calories every day for the rest of your life. (See: Steven King’s Thinner)
3: You are unable to purchase anything. Every transaction fails. If people do not feed you out of the kindness of their hearts, or failing that, you are unable to barter for goods and services, you will die of hunger and exposure to the elements.
4: You get 5cm taller. People start telling you how much they liked you the way you were and that they feel lesser about you now that you’re taller. The new people you meet often comment on how hot/sexy/great/beautiful you would be if only you were a little bit shorter.
5: You become super strong but your bones and tendons can’t keep up. Using your super strength is pussyfooting with permanent disability.
6: No, yours is right. “you can not feel anything but happiness - no pain, anger, sadness, nothing but joy” Banger. Spot on. No Notes.
7: Have many followers would be worse if it was just a cult of people who follow you everywhere you go. The only time you can be alone is in your own home, until they realize they can just break in.
8: Forget your ex lover but they forget you too. You eternal sunshine of the spotless mind each other
9: A lot of money but the people you love die. <- This was one of the original monkey’s paws, iirc.
