How did they not mention the ‘hack’ here?
So I’ve had multiple GF’s who were physically abusive, cheaters, chronic liars, gaslighters… so is there a version of this for me? Or are men never victims still?
So glad this didn’t exist like ~15 years ago. My one ex, who decided to start a relationship with her co-worker, while we were looking for and then financing a house… When I broke up with her (like 1 week after closing), while I was trying to process the betrayal, she took to Facebook and text messages spamming EVERYONE a fake story about me, trying to pass herself as the victim. Even including a fake pregnancy! All to make me look bad because I caught her cheating. Thankfully, this app didn’t exist, and several of my female friends reached out to me for my side of the story.
But all the “stories” on that app, 100% vetted, right? We get unbiased, both sides of the story, right… Evidence was required… right? Because imaging the harm someone could do if they were just petty, or scornful, of just bored. It’s not like women have ever made false rape claims… right…
I’m not trying to imply my situation is what all men go through… but you can’t just dismiss it, or other men, because it doesn’t fit into your social media-fueled narrative. Yes, some men suck (and that’s selling it short). But, women are just as capable of the same level of suck. We are all, after all, human.
To answer your question, there have been apps like this for men… but they keep getting taken down after users start posting revenge porn.
People suck, hopefully you were able to take her to court for defamation because what she did is almost the definition of libel where I live (Maryland, US).
I also have been attacked by an ex.
I can see both sides - if it’s an app about suffering abuse, all should be welcome vs there aren’t enough women-only spaces online and those that exist are frequently brigaded.
Both have reasonable arguments. Likely a compromise where a filter could be set where you can choose to opt your posts into the women-only feed.
However, my argument would be this app is bad and no one should be on it. Even if all the content is true, a gossip app that covers legally questionable things is likely not a sensible place to hang around.
People who pretend to be victims upset me almost as much as people who victimize others (they are not equal, but it is still so fucked up). Victims have a rough enough time already being taken seriously. It doesn’t take more than a few false positives to completely take the air out of legitimate accusations from victims. I wish there was some way to solve this problem.
Generally yes but it’s not nearly always so clear cut that one is 100% the offender and the other one 0%. Which is why attention to details, context, sophistication, listening to both sides before coming to a conclusion, etc. Is so important. But guess what kind of things get lost when taking part in such a one-sided blame game on the semi-anonymous internet.
Apps like this but also social media more generally allow for one-sided public naming and shaming of Individuals who probably don’t even know about it. It’s problematic because it can be deeply unfair.
I get that there is also value in women protecting themselves against predators but more than likely most content within the app/service is probably one-sided public blaming and gossiping.
And as we all know from right-wing propaganda, being the first to make a bold claim public and generate headlines with it is very powerful and spreads the message far and wide, whether true or false, and many will just believe it’s true without further investigation.
I don’t know why they upset you “almost as much” - people who pretend to be victims are in fact people that are victimizing others. “Other sides” notwithstanding, you said it yourself in so many words: they’re also further victimizing actual victims.
I frankly find it more inexcusable.
For me, it’s hard to say one or the other is worse. It might depend on circumstances. Is someone making a false claim of rape worse than someone raping someone, or worse than a child rapist, serial rapist, etc? In damage collectively done to all victims, quite possibly. However, the intention of the false witness isn’t usually to delegitimize the claims of other victims. It’s usually shortsited and desperate - a desire to avoid social consequences or to punish the accused. I suspect such false claims are also more common among a younger, naive, immature population. It’s fucked up and selfish, surely. As fucked up as feeling you have the right to use another person’s body for your own physical pleasure or to assert dominance or whatever shit goes through a rapists mind? I don’t know.
Frankly, I’ve never been the victim or perpetrator of either crime, nor have I even been in a situation where either crossed my mind. All I’m qualified to say is that I wish neither crimes would happen to anyone.
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Inb4 “found the bear”
Finally i have a way to explain my feeling about this. This is just yelp for people. Yet another attempt to rate people. Didn’t Candance owebs try to make something like this years ago but for reporting racists?
How is this not a stalking app?
Because women cant men. /S
Some of the men’s comments on here venting about how rough they had it dating really need to listen to women’s dating stories more often. The level of violence does not compare.
I don’t want you to take me badly, but to me this comment sounded really demeaning. Obviously women have it way worse than men, but you see a comment with a men venting about their personal experiences and the first thing that comes to mind is “women have it worse”?
I could understand this comment in the context of the app, and how people are making fun of it when its purpose is to try to solve such a common and awful problem in dating–but in the context of the comments of men venting here, it really just sounds like you’re invalidating their experiences just because they’re not women.
and the first thing that comes to mind is “women have it worse”?
Yes, because I’ve seen it and I had to intervene way more than I ever wanted to. We’ve had our fair share of violent domestic disputes in the family perpetrated by the men, I’ve seen it out on the streets, and lately, I’m watching all these videos of stories of women online who feared for their safety.
I’ve seen women mistreated in public, some being threatened with their lives, I’ve had family members impregnated against their will, my neighbor was literally choked on the street outside my window, a woman being held at gunpoint by their partner (I was there), and I’ve found out through gossip that the little girl I used to live with when I was a kid was found dead in a fucking ditch because of an ex. So yeah, I have no pony in this race as a man dating men, and yet I have plenty of reasons to think straight women have it way worse.
sounds like you’re invalidating their experiences
No, I’m comparing the grievances, which are perfectly valid and understandable on their own, but they’re completely different in how they weigh on the motivation for creating such an app. Those grievances sound a little weak as an argument for this “flip the genders” crowd.
Like, it really sucks that a woman led you on but ultimately turned you down for someone else and you’ve spent the last decade mulling over it, but it isn’t quite the same as getting a brick thrown through a window a few times as part of a campaign of terror orchestrated by a salty coke-head ex who won’t leave you alone and the police seem too eager to keep letting it happen. Which is what happened to my little sister for years. So yeah, kinda different when you factor in the readiness to go violent.
Boom, downvoted for being aware that 95% of violent criminals are male and domestic abuse is no different.
Pretty much! I was half expecting it, so all good.
In my comment I said:
I could understand this comment in the context of the app
And the whole reason why I commented was because I’d misunderstood your comment. I’d thought it was separate from the post itself, since you hadn’t made it clear that the purpose of your comment was to say something like: “So despite the consequences it might have to the men featured in the app, it should still exist due to the benefit that it would bring to women”. Without that, to me, it really just looked like you’d read the stories from the men and thought “women have it worse”.
Since I’m now inside the discussion, I’m gonna give you my two cents.
I think that most people here weren’t really mad at the app due to its purpose. They were mad because it’s far from a perfect solution. Regardless of how much protection the app has, at these issues will exist:
- Leaks can happen
- Women can lie
- Men can infiltrate the app
Not to mention that, in this case, the creator was a man and the information protection was laughably bad.
In the future, apps like this one might become a must for women’s self-protection, but that doesn’t mean that the app’s issues will just cease existing. Pointing them out along with personal experiences to back them up, and then weighing in the pros and cons is always going to be very important.
Might’ve made myself a bit unclear, here’s a tl;dr
I thought you’d meant
This bad situation happened to me
Women have it worse
But what I’ve realized what you’d meant is
This bad situation happened to me
But that doesn’t mean that the app shouldn’t exist
And to finish, sorry that that happened to you. I hope you and the people you talked about stay safe.
What I think really needs to happen is we take a Ryder truck full of ANFO to the idea that sex must come from abject strangers found on the internet.
Dating apps are very obviously a failed experiment. If you use one, you deserve everything you get.
I see, thanks for elaborating. And yeah, I’m not talking about the app itself because it’s a little iffy given how people are drawn to gossip and revenge, but about the people in the comments giving their personal stories that sound traumatic but, like, not “make an app to avoid your potential killer” levels of traumatic.
Clueless.
Women are insanely violent and abusive to men, just not so much physically.
My government issued a report a few years back that estimated male vs female domestic abuse rates to differ in about one order of magnitude.
Also, for every one tragic story about one man’s abuse I have about ten more from women.
It’s lopsided in both quantity and severity, don’t even.
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Spoken by someone who has clearly never been emotionally abused by a woman. Not all violence is physical. “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”.
Spoken by someone who has also been emotionally abused by men, mind you. These women and I have a common subject, and the last one almost turned violent for me.
I could also go on about emotional manipulation by men if you’d like, but that’d be on top of all the violence.
Do they need to?
Yes. Everyone should listen to everyone else. And as a man, I promise you women have it wayyyyyy worse. I definitely won the gender lottery. Sorry ladies and Godspeed.
violent assholes make things worse for both men and women. Women for obvious reasons and men because women have to be more wary.
Imagine if the genders were swapped in this situation
Or if this was targeted at virtually any other category of people
Yeah, my thoughts were having people encouraged to add on information they know on top of public information is a gold mine for governments. Someone could opt out of social media and not even have a phone or computer, but now you could have citizens themselves creating profiles on their behalf and providing information on individuals like political leanings. People are just thinking dating because that is what the site is about.
But, my thoughts went to how a site could do the same for whether someone is legal or not, whether they are pro government or not, etc.
Oh god rate my maid.
There is a video in the article, where a a woman says “are we dating the same guy?”. Like women don’t date multiple men.
Apart form that, things never say secret, soon or later will come out.
Tea just suffered a massive data leak
Gotta be a special type fuckbrain to give this app a photo and a copy of your gotdamn ID.
<sarcasm>Else how can you certify you are a woman ? We don’t want a man lurking around</sarcasm>
Yeah that’s what the article is about
Is this what lemmy is about?
Oh great another centralized repository of data about people (uploaded without their knowledge or consent in the case of the men) that definitely won’t be abused by bad actors
Anddddd…, it’s already been breached: https://www.404media.co/women-dating-safety-app-tea-breached-users-ids-posted-to-4chan/
Yeah, it sounds like some well intentioned but extremely misinformed and unskilled (in the context of software and systems engineering) people just vibe-coded the thing together, and (shocked pikachu) it was a complete piece of shit security-wise.
This post is directly under a post about the breach in my feed.
It’s even mentioned at the top of the linked article.
Tea, which topped the Apple App Store charts this week — shortly before the app was hacked.
Oooooooooof
Saw that coming.
Back in the Google Glass days, I theorized that it wouldn’t be long before you could look at a person walking down the street and near instantaneously have a full profile of that individual, their age and address and family and everything, with Yelp-style reviews commenting on how the subject is a huge dick, or has a huge dick, or kicks puppies, etc. “Free”, of course, encumbered only by ads for bullshit dating services, and with just the minor inconvenience of full access to every goddamn piece of data on your phone.
I am only surprised that this kinda shit hasn’t happened much much earlier.
I think some student used AI along with the Meta sunglasses with cameras to do exactly this and it’s creepy how much info about you is just out there
There is, unsurprisingly, a Black Mirror episode about this.
“★★☆☆☆ Not a meaningful encounter”
This is fucked up.
Some salty content here for no reason.
Nobody is writing about you, misogynists of Lemmy, because nobody is dating you.
It’s absolutely crazy to assume that anyone who sees the obvious issues with this app is a misogynist
From just a privacy perspective having people freely share photos, videos, and info you may have never even uploaded to the internet and compiling a community driven profile despite not opening an account there is creepy.
It’s fine if it’s community driven profiling among members who chose to voluntarily create an account understanding the terms and conditions. Like if a social media called meowmeowbeans was created, and people who want that extra safety decided to only associate with people on meowmeowbeans and would tell people I only meet people who are on meowmeowbeans so make an account and get verified if you want to meet. If you won’t then I want nothing to do with you.
I’d rather meowmeowbeans socially pressure people who want to associate with meowmeowbeans users have to voluntarily become meowmeowbeans verified as opposed to this form of information sharing that people haven’t consented to and having pages dedicated to them that people are using to discuss them.
This is Lemmy after all and not instagram, TikTok, or Facebook where people are encouraged to share their personal information. And more tech leaning, so people are going to be less open to the idea of a database popping up encouraging people to contribute any photos, videos, and personal information on random individuals to create profile pages for people who never signed up. Whether it is big tech or individuals insisting data collection and making a public profile is for safety its going to be seen with skepticism.
Gender doesn’t have to do with it, since there isn’t a law exempting specific genders from this and a site encouraging people to add info to a profile could be made for any reason. Like a similar site being made where members are asked to share information about political ideology of individuals they know and to share stories and evidence.
Two wrongs don’t make one right.
There is not and will never be any valid reason to create a hidden database of non-verified, non-authorized and potentially defamatory information about other people.
Yes, that’s the sane way to deal about it.
How crazy do you have to be to listen to hollywood stories and let strangers into your house.
For what, because you think they’re cute ? That’s just an easy way to take up with a knife in your back.
Never. Trust. Anyone. Ever.
Kinda wild that app stores allow something like that. I wonder how long it’ll take for someone to build the same up, but with the roles reversed: Men anonymously talking about local women 😬
In theory it should be fine the problem is women always assume bad intent on the part of men, and good intent on the part of other women despite a fairly obvious fact that that’s ridiculous.
The problem is there doesn’t seem to be any system in place for review or correction. What if there someone who just doesn’t like me and posts photos and lies about me? Not only would I have no opportunity to correct the record, but unless someone I knew who was on the app told me about it, I wouldn’t even know because men aren’t allowed on.
As someone who’s stayed away from creating accounts like Facebook the concept of being encouraged to share photos and real identities of people who haven’t consented to being on the social media site is really creepy to me.
Its like some random social media account shows up and you never signed up but a profile for you has already been made and has all these photos you never even shared on there because someone chose to upload them in your place.
I’d rather people choose not to associate with people who don’t have an account that has vetted on safety than be opted into something like this without choice.
Its like some random social media account shows up and you never signed up but a profile for you has already been made and has all these photos you never even shared on there because someone chose to upload them in your place.
Facebook literally does this, they just never let you see it, it’s internal for advertising purposes
That’s data collection versus an active public profile.
Android users report the app here: https://support.google.com/googleplay/answer/2853570?hl=en&co=GENIE.Platform%3DAndroid#zippy=%2Cflag-an-app-on-google-play
honestly I doubt it’ll do anything but it can’t hurt to try
There was a forum in the Benelux that did exactly that and they had to shut down.
Of course they would. It’s only allowed as long as the genders aren’t flipped.
Someone saw that Black Mirror episode and said “Let’s make that for real.”
And they got the idea from the two prior databases.
At long last, we have created the Torment Nexus from the classic sci-fi novel “Don’t Create the Torment Nexus”
I think you mean that Community episode.
Creating a digital social hierarchy was on my 2030 bingo card… dang.
Oh yeaaa hahahaha you are right 😂😂😂 sounds just like that episode
