Did Randy Newman answer your question personally?
When I got my first tattoo 30 years ago, my then mother-in-law said I’d be in prison soon enough. So far I’ve managed to be a good citizen (it seems following the law is easy), but I’ve got a plan for this to prove her right. When I’m about to go bye bye , I’m going to strip naked and run around on live TV, probably at a sporting event. That will at least get me arrested, and if I resist arrest and generally be annoying, I’m might go to prison to let the state pay for all the medical things associated with my demise. These tattoos are a bad influence. Hell awaits.
Removed tattoos, just like lost limbs, will return when you enter Heaven.
What if god said you may go to heaven only if you climb these stairs but you’re on a wheelchair type shit
good to know I will never be at risk of going to heaven because I’m short
Nobody will go to heaven because heaven is not real.
That’s what you believe. So do i.
That’s the logical conclusion based on neuroscience finding that souls don’t exist.
This comment got more downvotes than upvotes. I’ve found my heaven. It’s Lemmy. 🥹
I would sooner ride a camel through the eye of a needle than go to heaven
You’re rich?
Fake it til you make it?
tattoos will go to heaven will go heaven will go to heaven will go to heaven
You guys, I think I decrypted the secret message.
Just the tattoos though, not whoever wearing them.
tattoos eyeballs
Overcook chicken? Believe it or not, also no heaven
Undercook, no heaven. Overcook, undercook.
Straight to hell
lol I can’t believe grown ass adults believe this shit. I’m surprised most people dont start questioning this after they learn about Santa clause.
I know… A while ago I was having a conversation with a Christian co-worker who was obviously working up to some kind of “witnessing” (as someone who grew up in an Evangelical Church, I know when it’s coming).
I told her that I know all about it, and I will never believe it. Before she could tell me I was angry at god, I told her that it isn’t possible and it wouldn’t make sense because it would be like “being mad at Santa Claus.”
I think she was seriously taken aback. Like it blew her mind haha
Santa was not on the Epstein list, I promise you.
but, like trump, he knew. santa knows about all the kiddo predators, he fucking sees you while you’re sleeping and knows when you’re awake, why isn’t santa doing anything?
He’s always been just another oligarchy stooge. He works for Coca-Cola Company after all.
you get it. glad I’m not alone.
But Epstein was on Santa’s list.
AI doesnt appear to have gotten to the Old Testament yet.
it’s gonna be interesting when AI’s start fighting each other. Think religious wars are nasty? Wait until agentic AI starts driving automated trucks into ‘enemy’ data centers…
The AI will truly have to be able to think for themselves first. Whoever has written their parameters has done an impressive job of adding apologia into the algorithms about any religious topic.
Me: Does the bible say X?
AI: Yes
Me: Does the bible also say Y? (the literal opposite of X)
AI: Yes
Me: Doesn’t that mean the bible is inconsistent in this regard?
AI: Well you have to understand the cultural context of the time and be sure to approach such topics with sensitivity and blah…blah…
Well since I’m already short and can’t do anything about it, I guess I’m free to have as much pork, alcohol, and tattoos as I please!
You just rediscovered Dark Calvinism
Yo, I like this.
Pork tattoos!
Tats of Piggies getting shitfaced.
Almost makes me miss /r/ketodrunk
*c/ketodrunk
This is not reddit, this is lemmy. Just wanted to remind it.
That’s why I said miss it. Believe it or not, Reddit did and still does exist. I’d like to think we’re not a cult that demands pretending that our before-lives never existed.
c/mandelaeffect
I see many people here collectively misremembering a platform called reddit and not gonna lie, I kind of also do somehow
my god you’re right
they’re talking about a subreddit though
you can’t climb the ladder to heaven if you’re short since the rungs are too far apart
They have to go in 3’s because cartoons tell me they can stack up. They would wear a brown trench coat with shades. Then they can climb the ladder.
Some guy at the business factory tell you that?
Spending eternity as the taint third of a three person centaur does not sound like paradise.
Heaven is boring as Hell
Someone said that hell probably really is the place to be. Heaven has mega rules to get in, and everyone else just crashes at Satan’s place.
The torture for the true sinners probably happens, but at the hands of the normal people who didnt make it to heaven. Be honest with yourself, would you pass up the opportunity to ram a hot poker up Hitlers arse?
The torture for the true sinners probably happens, but at the hands of the normal people who didnt make it to heaven.
I thought it was supposed to be a pineapple?
Fun fact, “pineapple” was a nickname for a grenade, so presumably you’d want to insert it in such a way as to leave the pin accessible
Who knows, Hitler may well be in heaven. All it takes is a moment of repentance.
As if that cunt ever repented for a moment. He was fucking crazy you know.
He was certainly evil and addicted to drugs.
I dare say he was… methed up.
tfw you’ve tried to be a good lad, prosocial and overall kind to your fellow man, but God made you 1.70m
;_;
Sorry kids.
It’s ok, Uncle Roger.
