30 year old male, divorced last year after 9 years. Got dumped because I drink too much apparently. She was supposed to move back to her home country but ended up staying in this city.
I’m a member of the music scene and so is she so all my friends are her friends. So naturally because I’m not the pretty one, she gets all sympathy and I’m now a lonely motherfucker rejected by a lot of people I once called friends.
She hooked up with a dude who is an actual drug addict and last night. While trying to watch the band, they’re making out like 5ft behind me. I shouldnt care because these people are quite literally losers compared to me but I guess I’m jealous someone cares about her and nobody cares about me.
When I went home last night alone I actually thought about ending things. I don’t really know what to do going forwards. Do I just end my hobby of music because I can’t deal with my jealousy? Every gig she is there and she’s got a line of guys wanting to be with her while I’m left to rot alone.
Should I sell my house and quit my job and move? That’s what I was up all night pondering. I feel as if this place is too small for the both of us, and she won.
30 - 9 = 21 which is the MLDA in the US (presumably you’re American?). You say elsewhere her father had issues with alcohol.
Break ups are never about just one thing but there’s usually a catalyst. Whether you drink too much or not is really your business but it sounds like you too realized you shouldn’t be together. I might be way off base but I’m thinking age and time are a big factor here, maybe some growing apart.
Even if only one of you was certain you wanted to divorce when the relationship is done for one it’s done for all. You need to figure out how to work through and process the end of your relationship. It sounds like you haven’t done that, instead expecting things to go on pretty much the same for you, except just without your ex. That’s not how it works.
If you can’t untangle the ‘us’ and find your way back to ‘you’ in the same town then space might help but if you don’t actually work through and process the end of your relationship moving won’t help. You’ll just be lonely and miserable in a new and unfamiliar place.