I am 27 years old and I am a single mother of a 12 year old son (Yes I had him at 15). I have been single for a few years now ever since I left my son’s biological father who used to abuse me physically/sexually. He developed alcohol problems later in our relationship and he could barely keep a job, and he ended up developing extreme anger issues as a result. His abuse was mostly behind closed doors and never in front of my son. A few years later now, he calls me from another number explaining how he finished rehab, meets with a therapist weekly, and meditates every morning. He apologized a ton and he only asked to meet with my son and I in a casual environment to check up on us. (He explicitly said he doesn’t expect me to forgive him). I have not and will never forgive him, nor will I ever re-enter a relationship with him, but he does sound like a different person, so should I meet with him?
You owe him nothing. So first decide what you would want out of a platonic relationship with him. Is there anything at all? know he hasn’t changed. Personally, I would have nothing to do with someone that abused my ever again.
However, if you want to meet with him you can. If he was physically abusive, I would be worried he hasn’t changed. He’s telling you he does all these positive things, but do you have any external proof that he is any different? Would you be concerned if he knows where you are? Where your son is?
I hate to say this, but you may need to test this. Tell him “No thank you, I’m not interested in meeting. If I change my mind in the in the next few years, is this phone number where I should reach you?”
If he says something like: “I understand. Thanks for even taking this call, and yes, I’ll be keeping this number going forward if you ever change your mind”. Then you could consider it if you do want to have any contact with him (you wouldn’t have to wait years).
However, if his history of anger shows up immediately when you say this, then you’ll know he hasn’t changed and you and your son could be put at risk.