I am 27 years old and I am a single mother of a 12 year old son (Yes I had him at 15). I have been single for a few years now ever since I left my son’s biological father who used to abuse me physically/sexually. He developed alcohol problems later in our relationship and he could barely keep a job, and he ended up developing extreme anger issues as a result. His abuse was mostly behind closed doors and never in front of my son. A few years later now, he calls me from another number explaining how he finished rehab, meets with a therapist weekly, and meditates every morning. He apologized a ton and he only asked to meet with my son and I in a casual environment to check up on us. (He explicitly said he doesn’t expect me to forgive him). I have not and will never forgive him, nor will I ever re-enter a relationship with him, but he does sound like a different person, so should I meet with him?
That’s a tough one. I think your son is old enough for you to sit down and put the cards on the table, and ask what he wants. You can express your concerns clearly but ultimately leave the decision to him. If you do decide to meet, make sure you have provisions in place to make it as safe as possible.
My primary concerns right now are: If given an opportunity, he may harm you again. And, if he is that desperate for a relationship with his son, he may take shady actions to make that happen. It’s crucial to keep your son aligned here so that he doesn’t rebel and run away with the father, or otherwise put himself in a dangerous position.