I dunno if this is the right place for this, but I was curious. I joined Beehaw during the Great Reddit API migration, a few years ago at this point. I couldn’t put a finger on why but I wanted to join a queer-friendly space. It just seemed like a good place to be, somewhere that seemed to have goals of inclusivity and being kind to one another that I thought sounded good. I wanted to belong somewhere like this place seems to want to be.
Then, years later, in Nov of 2024 my egg absolutely shattered and I came out to myself as trans. Then I just realized this morning that the timeline is kinda funny to me. Thought I’d ask and see how common that pattern was.
In 2021, through a person at work I used to be friends with, I began talking to a queer girl from the UK through discord after that former friend bought her a the same game we were playing together. After the first night of us three playing together, her and I began talking.
For the next year, we talked mental health stuff and shared pet pictures with each other. After a year she came forward to tell me all the creepy shit that former friend was saying to her. I witnessed this creepy behaviour through a group video call we all had together. I saw how much it affected her and it really pissed me off. There was a bunch of stuff that happened afterwards but the end result is that we both no longer talk to the creepy weirdo anymore.
Afterwards, her and her partner both asked me to come visit them in the UK. I went and had a great time with them. They both treated me like a person, holding no unreasonable expectations from me and allowed me to just be me. Retuning home felt like I had been punched in the face. Where people labelled me and held me to those unspoken expectations.
After returning home, I looked for a therapist that worked with queer people and people who lived alternative lifestyles. During one of our first few sessions, my therapist gave me a bunch of queer meetup places to check out. It was at a halloween event that I ended up meeting another queer girl who I ended up becoming really close friends with.
Recently she invited me to a pride party at the end of pride month. I felt a bit out of place at first because I was going out with a group of lesbians but they were all welcoming, chill and accepting of me. I had such a great time that night. The more time I spend with my friend and the people I meet through her, the more I got to meet lovely and accepting people.
All I ever really wanted was to be accepted just as I am and it makes sense I could find that in queer spaces. I wish I could have found these queer spaces earlier but I have to remind myself that I’ve been working to undo the damage of capitalism and trauma by myself for most of my life. I could only do so much when the majority of how I treat other people today came from doing the opposite of what awful people do. If I had more examples of good people doing good things, I would have learned good habits faster.
As much as I hate the creepy weirdo that accidentally introduced me to the UK girl, if it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t have been pushed to engage with the queer community more. It would have been nice to meet wonderful people without all the traumatic experiences but it is what it is. At least now I have wonderful people in my life that love me just as I am. And they aren’t afraid to let me know how much they love me.
It’s insane the ways we can be positively impacted by terrible circumstances. I’m glad to hear things are looking up, and that you’re surrounded by better people now! One of the best parts of discovering myself has been having a safe space at home with my partner, who had already been exploring some genderqueer conversations and topics. I can’t imagine how much harder it would have been without them and their support through all of this, much less being in a rough situation instead.
It really is cool how unjudgy queer spaces are, with the knowledge you won’t be held up to some standard and deemed worthy or unworthy of someone’s presence just based on whether you meet standards you had no part in choosing. Thanks for sharing!