Please read and and try to understand my point, I know that what follows may be controversial. I 110% agree that no one should be forced into acts which it doesn’t desire, and that the guy is a proven douche, but is it rape if it was in the frame of consensual sex? I love getting woken up by sexy stuff.
Does getting in bed for a night of sex have to have a written out menu, script or 15 page contract?
I can clearly discern between a soft, coy or giggly no, and a hard no, and don’t think I could force a woman to have sex with me (I find the concept so abhorrent I’d probably go limp). I’m the type that ensures “she’s had her fill (pun intended?) before I finish the meal”
I think that if someone has gotten in bed with you for sex, and stays, it could be safe to assume they are open to more.
Maybe he didn’t acknowledge a serious “No!” I don’t know.
Also, it may be good to keep in mind what one of the old time heroic feminists, Greer, from the 60s-70s said that “often rape isn’t, it’s bad sex”.
Yes, you should very much talk about whether stuff like this is okay to do to someone else before you do it. You can’t consent when you sleep, so you must get full consent beforehand.
And yes, you should typically ask whether doing something is okay before you do it, in general. Communication is good, it won’t hurt anyone.
And no, it isn’t safe to just assume anything. Ask! That’s really all there is to it. Ask and accept a “no”. Ideally you also check in a few times underway. It leads to better sex.
My mindset comes from the kink community, where generally most things are permissable, but so long as consent stays in front and centre. Unless you have agreed beforehand to treat it otherwise, stuff like a “giggly no” is a no. Well, specifically you’d have safe words such as “red”, but I assume that’s not the case here.
In short though, don’t just assume anything of the other person, ask them, and allow them to talk.
Please read and and try to understand my point, I know that what follows may be controversial. I 110% agree that no one should be forced into acts which it doesn’t desire, and that the guy is a proven douche, but is it rape if it was in the frame of consensual sex? I love getting woken up by sexy stuff.
Does getting in bed for a night of sex have to have a written out menu, script or 15 page contract? I can clearly discern between a soft, coy or giggly no, and a hard no, and don’t think I could force a woman to have sex with me (I find the concept so abhorrent I’d probably go limp). I’m the type that ensures “she’s had her fill (pun intended?) before I finish the meal”
I think that if someone has gotten in bed with you for sex, and stays, it could be safe to assume they are open to more. Maybe he didn’t acknowledge a serious “No!” I don’t know.
Also, it may be good to keep in mind what one of the old time heroic feminists, Greer, from the 60s-70s said that “often rape isn’t, it’s bad sex”.
What the fuck
Yes, you should very much talk about whether stuff like this is okay to do to someone else before you do it. You can’t consent when you sleep, so you must get full consent beforehand.
And yes, you should typically ask whether doing something is okay before you do it, in general. Communication is good, it won’t hurt anyone.
And no, it isn’t safe to just assume anything. Ask! That’s really all there is to it. Ask and accept a “no”. Ideally you also check in a few times underway. It leads to better sex.
My mindset comes from the kink community, where generally most things are permissable, but so long as consent stays in front and centre. Unless you have agreed beforehand to treat it otherwise, stuff like a “giggly no” is a no. Well, specifically you’d have safe words such as “red”, but I assume that’s not the case here.
In short though, don’t just assume anything of the other person, ask them, and allow them to talk.