I’m having some personal issues causing some severe depression and anxiety. I’d like to get past this time as fast as possible, and my days are dragging on. I can’t sleep, which would be a good way to make time go fast. But I also can’t just play video games, I don’t have the motivation to play more than a few minutes and it also just makes me realize how alone I am with no friends or anyone I can connect with emotionally and I spiral into my anxiety and depression.
I can do stuff during the day, run, chores, etc. But as soon as I’m done, especially at night, I start freaking out and it seems like time stands still. Does anyone have any suggestions? Activities I can do that are mindless that will just kill time and get me through the night before I can just go to sleep?
I know this question is stupid but I’m looking for at least somewhat serious answers.
Go outside. Not in a “go touch grass” way. Explore new places and fill your days with variety and sunlight if you can. If you can’t make the time pass quickly you can at least make it more interesting. And sitting depressed in a park is a lot nicer than sitting depressed at home.
If you’re already running, vary your route a bit, or spend some time in the middle of your run sitting outside for a bit.
I don’t expect it to fix anything, I’ve heard enough of the “just try this and you’ll feel better” bullshit. But I hope it would at least help mix up your days a little.
Unfortunately, this would be gender and/or location dependent. Great advice for daylight hours, but the society we currently live in makes it perhaps less viable for women in certain areas or countries, or even in general if it’s a particularly socially deprived area.
Absolutely on board with the exercise thing though. I’ve taken to trying to waste time on an exercise bike - even an inexpensive one, or a normal bike mounted on a turbo trainer. I’m not expecting anyone to bang in speeds and times like Lance Armstrong on some special supplements, but a slow spin for longer periods of time is great fun… just get a good wide comfortable saddle!
This is what I meant by
I can do stuff during the day, run, chores, etc. But as soon as I’m done, especially at night, I start freaking out and it seems like time stands still.
I run, and do activities to make the day go by. But that’s not sustainable. I’d love to be able to do like a 7 day adventure race, or try to run a ultra marathon or something crazy like that. But I’m not physically capable of that at the moment (I’m in really good shape, but not at THAT level. I run like 5-10 miles a day at most) and I’d just end up hurting myself trying.
Good effort, that’s a decent shape to be in. 10k runs are my “thing” but as my march into middle age progresses, I find I can’t do them back-to-back any more, I’m needing more than a day or two to recover.
Maybe go for something a little more varied - I’m training for (but never done) local triathlons. Great way to build physical fitness with only a third of the high impact on the joints. The major limiting factor will be the pool of course, unless you’re fortunate to own (or have unrestricted access to) a pool.
Random turn of conversation direction, are you creative at all? Crocheting seems to make the world go by at an alarming rate - it’s both a time killer and very rewarding.
I’m not the most creative person, but I do enjoy the technical aspect of creative things. I’ve tried to crochet and knit in the past. It’s definitely a good idea. Maybe I’ll order some crochet supplies and give it another shot.
You’re completely right. Though depending on your area it may be possible to sit in a cafe (even a Starbucks or equivalent) occasionally to pass the time. Often without needing to purchase anything (or, if you have to, purchasing a simple black coffee for cheap).
But yes, unfortunately that isnt always possible. I hope you can find something to make your days more varied OP. something to break the routine of sitting at home waiting for time to pass.
Coffee shops are fantastic. My other half doesn’t get why I go out to buy a coffee that I could easily make in the house for next to fuck all, but it was never about the coffee - it was about being out of the house and watching the world go by. There’s a coffee shop in a hotel that overlooks the thoroughfare between one of my local city’s biggest shopping centres and it’s rail station, and it’s nice just wasting an hour or two watching people go about their lives.
The cost of the coffee is just a warmth and comfort tax really for sitting there.
MMORPG’s. Do you have a favorite?
I played WoW for ages. I tried going back during shadowlands, but, it’s just so different from what I enjoyed about it at its peak (wrath).
Is there a current MMO that really requires teamwork, as well as the ability to find a consistent group? A month probably isn’t long enough though, and I don’t think I’m mentally in a place to grind to a level cap without already having friends in game.
Have you ever played Eve Online?
A little bit a long time ago. Was hard for me to get into
Start a project doing something that allows you to enter a flow state. Could be programming, woodworking, knitting, anything you can reasonably do with your interests and budget. If you can find something that holds your attention it will delete time.
It’s hard to get the motivation to do a project. I’m really looking for something totally mindless. Like, exercise is a good one, but I do a lot of that during the day and it starts to get unhealthy and unproductive. I end up at night doing a lot of pacing, or stuff like that. I was hoping for something the equivalent of pacing but that isn’t physical. I don’t know. I think I’m just grasping at straws that there’s some solution to this that I haven’t thought of.
Yeah motivation can be tricky and I actually missed the bit where you’re specifically looking for something to do at night before getting to sleep instead of pacing around.
Uhh… Rubix cube? Puzzle? If you don’t want to walk around something where you use your hands and that takes some mental focus might help. Hopefully you find something!
Jigsaw puzzles, the bigger the better. It keeps you constantly mentally engaged and the act of reaching for pieces and looking around is good physical activity too. I get back ache if I do a jigsaw session for the first time in a while. It really tires me out before bed and can prevent that rumination before falling asleep. Finally it’s really cheap, there are limitless puzzles in charity shops and even some libraries lend them.
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So you’re having trouble relaxing before bed?
I would recommend either finding a book you like to read before bed, or perhaps if you are so inclined, doodle or sketch. Something that requires focus, but isn’t intense, so you will still be able to tell when your body is ready to rest.
Learn to crochet. It’s not hard to learn, aside from some people whose brains are wired a bit different, and it doesn’t cost much to get into. Eats up a lot of time for larger projects, and you can kinda watch tv or listen to radio/audiobooks while doing it.
Have you thought of practicing a sport in a club / team? I find that it’s a good way to focus on something else than my issues and it helps to socialize.
The days are normally ok. I can find activities to do. It’s night time, when I’m supposed to be tired and going to sleep that it’s the hardest.
Im a huge advocate for fitness and diet for people who are having trouble with mental health. Because it gives you something you can nerd out on, control, research and if it sticks its a huge net positive for your life.
Figuring out your macros, setting yourself a step goal, designing a functional diet, doing some basic weight training even with just bodyweight exercises.
It also has the advantage of quite often leaving you tired at the end of the day. I can recommend some resources if you like.
People say exercise makes your brain grow. But that’s the wrong way to look at it. Sitting around all day makes your brain atrophy.
It’s so hard to be mentally healthy when your brain atrophies.
Not just the exercise but learning about exercise physiology, calculating macros, protein quality, eating windows, getting adequate sleep to sustain muscle growth, fat loss and testosterone levels… etc.
I’m my own hobby now.
Some people take Baldrian before bed in Germany. You can (probably) get it without a prescription. It has a calming effect that might help you, without going down the road of stronger medicines.
I take melatonin, which helps a lot. But the issue is I just have trouble sleeping right now in general. I’d love to be able to sleep 14 hours a day all month. But I’m lucky if I get 6-7
You need to sort our bed time routine out.
Don’t do anything in bed other than sleep (or sex). Go to bed try to sleep, if you don’t sleep get up and go to another room and come back in half an hour, an hour whatever it takes. Try sleep again if that doesn’t work after a bit get up again. I actually find going for a pee and trying again works surprisingly well. Take your TV out of your room, don’t use your phone in bed, don’t exercise in your bedroom and don’t exercise late and night.
Try the military sleep method.
If you want time to waste on something, do a jigsaw or scale model.
Join a board game group.
Watch The World at war 1973. Best ww2 doc ever made and its 26 episodes long. That will waste some time.
Audiobooks+ some other mindless activity shuts my brain off really well. Find a series you love that your library has and pick up a new sudoku or other puzzle app and go to town.
If you’re having trouble finding books I recommend a long sci fi or fantasy series. The Expanse is great, or Dune is also fantastically long. If fantasy is more your style maybe someone can recommend something but I know the wheel of time has a ton of books.
As for mindless things to do while you listen to audiobooks, either find a puzzle game or pick something up to do with your hands that requires few materials and is calming and productive. Here are a few that work for me:
Coloring (you can print out free coloring pages from the Internet like the ones here: https://www.crayola.com/free-coloring-pages/adult-coloring-pages/)
Color by number
Crochet or knitting (lots of good online tutorials and making a scarf is a good first project)
Modeling clay (just reuse the same clay over and over again if you want to save money/supplies)
Yoga
Walking on a treadmill or riding an exercise bike
Weightlifting with free weights at home
Tai chi
Best of luck, I know this type of thing is tough. Try to stick to regular wake/sleep cycles as much as possible and get outside during the day if you can, it definitely helps. Sending hugs and hoping things get better soon.
When I need to sleep and can’t, my go to is a relatively mindless game that I’ve gotten exceedingly good at automating my way through. Something like Sudoku, solitaire (specifically Klondike), or something. Usually on a digital device so I don’t have to move too much to play and I don’t have to worry about physical cards, shuffling, etc.
If it’s a particularly bad night I can pair that with some music. I find either ambient trance or something similar, to be the best for this. One of my favorite “go the fuck to sleep” albums is called “Dreamland” by Robert Miles (may he rest in peace). Alternatively, I find nature/rain/thunderstorm sounds to be particularly calming for me, though YMMV. The calm pitter-patter of raindrops falling seems to really put me in a sleeping mood.
Combining these generally gets me ready to snooze the fastest. The other option I have is mediation, but you need to be practiced at getting into the right headspace for it to be effective. Meditation isn’t really what you’re after since you have said that basically sitting around with nothing going on is when you start to panic, which is generally how mediation begins, so I’m not sure it will be super helpful.
The only additional advice, which is a bit of an offshoot from the mediation thing, is that trying to not think is a contradiction. You can’t try not to do something; unless you have some issues with impulse control, the “act” of not doing something is the antithesis of trying. You can’t try to clear your mind, you clear your mind by not thinking, if you’re thinking about clearing your mind, then that’s a thought which, if present, precludes you having a clear mind.
You have to stop thinking, not just try to put things out of your mind, but stop all active thought and analysis. It is way easier to say, than it is to do, and I wouldn’t pretend it’s easy at all. I learned how to do this through meditation, and it’s a fat departure from how you normally operate mentally, and not an easy thing to achieve. One of the strategies I’ve used is when your brain assaults you with a thought, you recognise it’s existence, but refuse to interact/engage/analyse it at all, and just let that wash over you, and into oblivion. Again, easier said than done. Not allowing your thoughts to latch onto ideas and allowing your mind to be quiet, without commenting on, about, or examining every passing thought, does not come naturally.
I think of it a bit like this: take the example of your mind being a street in a busy city, every individual on the street is an independent thought you might engage with. This idea is a bit like sitting by yourself and watching everything around you without getting involved. Someone walks past screaming about some topic, like how the world is going to end and you just watch them walk by and don’t comment on the matter. You recognise they’re there, you just don’t get involved. Your passive demeanor does not and should not imply you either agree, nor disagree with their statements or viewpoint, you are just present, observing them making a scene. Eventually they move on to yell about it in another location and you give it no further thought.
I hope that makes sense. Of course, modern society with all the social interactions we have, whether online or in person, always gives us the option to engage in discussion about everything and we’re often encouraged to do so. People will outright ask for your opinion when having IRL conversations at times, which is a prime example of this conditioning. If you’re able to break away from the need to have an opinion on everything and anything that crosses your path, and value people’s opinions exactly as much as required, which isn’t much, then you can break free, and you don’t have to bother yourself with everyone’s opinion and making yours heard. IMO, there’s no value in sharing your opinion, especially when the recipient of that opinion has their own opinion which obviously will not change based on what you could say, so why bother even having one? It takes mental effort and time away from what’s important to you to engage in such trivialities, when the outcome is unaffected by anything you think or say. Why invest the time and effort having an opinion when nobody cares what your opinion is enough to for it to have any impact on what happens? This isn’t a value statement about you or your opinion, this is a value statement about any would be recipient of your opinion, they don’t care, that’s a problem, but it’s a problem for them to solve; your opinion is valid, and if they can’t see the validity in your opinion, why waste your time and effort creating one just so they can ignore it.
You cannot control the actions of others. You can’t change what they care about. Both of these things are issues that the opposing individual must address about themselves, that you have no way to change about them. Save yourself the grief, and just don’t bother with it. It sounds like you have enough on your plate, you don’t need to add their crap to your pile.
With all that being said, it’s a radical departure from the accepted social “norm” so it’s a lot of stuff that’s easier said than done. I’m sorry that you are going through this. I don’t know all the details and I don’t have the answers; but I’ve been though some rough shit, and it always sucks. I value you and your opinion, so if you want to reply, I’ll be happy to hear anything you wish to share. IMO, it sucks right now but the fact that you’re reaching out to anyone for help is a positive sign. Do not be afraid to ask for the help you require, it is not a sign of weakness to need help, it is a sign of strength and character to recognise that you require assistance and you are willing to ask for that assistance. It’s brave and demonstrates a strong understanding of when you are unable to handle things alone.
We all need a little help sometimes. If you want to DM me, to inquire further on anything I’ve said, or to simply rant/vent, or if you just want to chat about technology (or literally anything) as a means of distraction, I’m happy to oblige. I believe my matrix account is linked to Lemmy, so that’s also an option.
All the best OP.
I’ve been listening to a great book series called dungeon crawler carl on audible…there’s like 6 books and they are pretty long .that could eat up time… I listen to them whilst exercising
Haven’t listen to dungeon crawler Carl, but He who fights with monsters is also a good series
Mines a wild departure in tone but the Wandering Inn is both long and engaging.
Ooh ill add it to my list! Thanks friend
Well, let’s see…
Time in your local frame of reference slows down the closer you are to a gravitational force. This will give you the perception the rest of the universe is going much faster. However, you’d need a pretty strong gravitational force to notice any effect of it.
A black hole is one of the most powerful sources of gravity out there, but if you don’t want to waste millions of years travelling to some far away celestial body, you can find an even stronger gravitational force much closer to home:
Your mum.
I would take a class if I were you. Not necessarily at a college but an art, cooking, or dancing class. Whatever you’re into. You mentioned running so maybe try to train for a marathon (or whatever your distance is).
The only other way I know of time traveling is brown liquor and you definitely don’t want to go that route if you’re depressed and lonely. A class will help you meet new people too.
I ran some trail and road marathons when I was younger and trail runners are always super interesting and a bit nuts in a good way. It’s a solo hobby at times but there is a community. Trail running isn’t about your time since every trail is different. No one really compares anything except distance and even then, finding a cool trail is more important. So, it tends to be about the process rather than the outcome.
