NEW YORK—Clucking his tongue with mock disappointment, Bill De Blasio announced to New Yorkers that “It’s not so easy to find a mayor that doesn’t suck shit after all, huh?” during a press conference Tuesday. “Hey, you all gave it your best shot, but it looks like it’s a little harder than you thought to run a candidate who won’t be a national fucking disgrace, doesn’t it?” said De Blasio, smirking as he suggested that the voting public had perhaps gotten a little too big for their britches at the prospect of electing someone who would amount to more than a constant source of embarrassment for the city at large. “But, no, really, I hope you have a goddamn blast with Eric Adams or whatever asshole you end up going with, and I’m sure you’ll knock everybody’s socks off with some really incredible candidates during the next election cycle. Just goes to show that it’s not so easy to find someone who isn’t a total dickhead hated by everybody.” At press time, De Blasio had issued a joint statement along with Mike Bloomberg and Rudy Giuliani that consisted of them loudly laughing for 10 straight minutes.
  • @[email protected]English
    24•10 months ago

    Not gonna spoil it, but The Onion REALLY hitting the last sentence out of the park, as usual 😄❤️

  • @[email protected]English
    20•10 months ago

    Hey, you all gave it your best shot, but it looks like it’s a little harder than you thought to run a candidate who won’t be a national fucking disgrace, doesn’t it?” >

    It’s unfortunate that this rings true to many cities.

    • EleventhHourEnglish
      5•10 months ago

      At least Buttigieg is now Secretary of Transportation and frequent FOX NEWS harasser. He did pretty well from some boy from Indiana.

      • @[email protected]English
        3•10 months ago

        If you call failing upwards “doing well”, sure.

        He’s pretty good at cleverly pointing out the obvious about fascists, but actually governing, whether as mayor or secretary of transportation? Not so much.

        • EleventhHourEnglish
          1•10 months ago

          I don’t particularly call anything he’s done “failing”— esp his current job.

          Btw, you should check him out kicking ass on Fox News. It’s hilarious. I don’t know why they keep having him on to keep embarrassing their hosts like that….

        • RentlarEnglish
          4•10 months ago

          This is a low bar I know, but Mr. Buttigieg did waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better than Sen. McConnell’s wife Ms. Chao as Secretary of Transportation.

        • @[email protected]English
          2•10 months ago

          Considering the current state of the world I think being very clear and clever at pointing out obvious fascism is probably something we need more of.

          • @[email protected]English
            2•10 months ago

            Agreed. Which is why he should be a pundit of some sort.

            Not the head of a regulatory agency that has failed to regulate before disaster resulted on numerous occasions under his watch.

      • @[email protected]English
        2•10 months ago

        I wouldn’t really praise a McKinsey ghoul, especially one that took multiple trips to Iraq and Afghanistan for them.

        • EleventhHourEnglish
          7•10 months ago

          So you have actual evidence that he did something wrong?

            • EleventhHourEnglish
              2•9 months ago

              So you admit that you have no evidence and that you’re just mad

              • @[email protected]English
                1•9 months ago

                Do you have any idea what McKinsey has done? Anyone who chooses to work for them with their history has questionable ethics at best.

                • EleventhHourEnglish
                  2•9 months ago

                  Do you have any evidence to back up your claims against Pete Buttigieg, or are you just gonna keep deflecting?

  • EleventhHourEnglish
    23•10 months ago

    This article is even better than when it first came out