The trick to being into anime, gaming, and being able to date is to find partners who enjoy the same things.
Or have other hobbies to balance. Anime and gaming aren’t hobbies you bring out first.
That would be the responsible thing to do if you want to make sure you can find an acceptable mate.
But then there’s ADHD and depression to deal with. Video games and anime are a lot more approachable if you don’t have the psychological fortitude to take yourself out of the morning fun pit and go touch grass.
This is why people fail at dating and relationships. They look at it like fishing- that your goal is to tempt a big fish into biting. That is wrong. Dating is a SEARCH. In your area there is somewhere between a few thousand and a million potential partners of your desired gender and age and other characteristics. You aren’t trying to persuade the first one you see to like you, you’re trying to find the one who already likes you but doesn’t know it yet because they haven’t met you. The person you are compatible with will like you for who you are. So when this girl rejects him because she doesn’t like anime, he should not take that as a personal failing. He should smile and say okay on to the next one.
And if you’re into stuff like anime put that shit in your profile. That will attract the right people and screen out the wrong ones. That’s not ‘making a bad impression’, the people for whom anime is a turn off are people who you wouldn’t want anyway if you are an anime fan.
Between 1000 and a few million??? Lmfaoooo
Even if you’re in a massive city, it’s still probably gonna only be like 1000 people out of the total dating pool that you’ll get to maybe meet. And only like 20 of those 1000 would want a second date.
Surely you mean 1% chance of finding 1 out of 1000
You missed the other commenter’s point entirely. They’re referring to the total size of the dating pool and the need to filter that down to something that is both more manageable to interact with and more likely to lead to interactions with interested parties. The goal shouldn’t be “as many dates as possible”, rather “as many potentially compatible dates as possible”. Without winnowing down the size of the potential search group, one would be far less likely to have a meaningful, favorable encounter on any hypothetical date.
That’s a nice sentiment, but there is almost certainly a mismatch in supply and demand for men who are anime and video game nerds.
As a gay man, I have a novel solution to the problem.
I seriously think that my life would probably have been easier if I were gay. A heterosexual relationship usually requires finding a woman who enjoys my company despite having effectively no common interests with me.
Ok, but it’s not like it’s a choice to be gay…
it is a choice.
and I make it.
you’re gay now
*poof!*
Getting both uses out of ‘poof’ there
That a gayer version of “your body, my choice?”
In your area there is somewhere between a few thousand and a million potential partners of your desired gender and age and other characteristics.
reported for misinformation
All the adverts that I see on my sidebar tell me otherwise
lol true.
There are that many women, sure, but 80% are unavailable, then 10% of the rest are MAGA, and of the final amount maybe 1% are actually compatible.Plus they all have kids 😬
Anime is such an innocuous interest too though. It’s not like hunting, or veganism, where you may be asking someone to make a big change in their life. If she has a problem with something like that then she’s going to be looking for someone to be with a lot longer than green text guy.
Depends on how old they are. I definitely view anime different from like…a 22 year old. Someone from my generation whose primary interest is anime would be a big old red flag, potential for a full neck beard.
However, this person is not from my generation, so I think you’re right, it seems much more common today.
I don’t disagree with your statement about trying to find someone that shares similar interests and that one meshes with. As you said the mentality that one is trying to “catch” another person is pretty toxic and not the point I am responding too.
Although as an aside, I would critique the behavior of the other person. Dismissing someone based on past experiences with others that share a similar characteristic, or on preconceived notions of something is pretty shitty. I personally always try and give someone the benefit of the doubt and at least a couple of chances to shine. First encounters are often awkward AF and it can’t always be sparks and magic. (That’s an awful lot as an aside, I know 😅)
The one point you made about the potential number of matches is what I really wanted to comment on. It can often be frustrating and disheartening to have someone make a statement that comes across as if finding a partner is almost guaranteed as long as effort is put fourth (I know because I’m there). For reference my city has a population of about 900k people. I recently pulled some stats from the census and Pew Research to estimate what the actual pool of potential partners was like.
Things like number of people in my age range, percent of people in that age range that don’t want kids, percent that are in the market, etc. I also tried to avoid stacking percentages that have high correlations like education and political affiliation. The result I got was about 35 people at any given time. The half life on that number refreshing is about 18 months as well.
So all of that before even getting into whether we have the same hobbies or interests, if they find me attractive, and other important factors. It also doesn’t help that a lot of my hobbies and life are very heavily male dominated. What few women do exist in the space are usually already in a long term relationship. Even if they are not, I’m absolutely not first pick. I’m not ugly, I’m about average in looks and I do my best to present myself as best I can. Similarly I’m not super successful, but I’m not struggling either. However, when the ratio of men to women is so imbalanced even being in the top 20% or 10% in terms of desirability isn’t enough.
So when someone says there is someone out there that is perfect for me or another person, I believe that statement to be true unequivocally in the same way that I believe alien life does, has, or will exist. However I am not likely to ever meet either for the same reason; space is too large, and time is too vast.
All that to say, I can understand why someone like the OP (whether real or not) might feel that way. Logically you are absolutely right and I don’t disagree, but we are all still unfortunately human and that craving for love, sex, affection, etc. is annoyingly strong and even needed.
Atup. There’s a lotta guys who think dating apps are akin to ordering a woman online and then finessing the edges and they always get ragingly shitful when they find out women are actually people and don’t want that bullshit.
(This is outside of transactional hookups where people just wanna fuck)
There’s a lot of flawed logic on all sides.
And that’s not even accounting for the inherently deeply complex and illogical stuff that goes along with dating too.
When I was actively pursuing online dating years ago, some of my best dates were the one and done dates where we both seemed to know early on that we probably weren’t interested in each other as long term partners but were mature enough to acknowledge that without taking it personally and enjoy a much more relaxed rest of the date. On one of those occasions, my date even suggested that while I wasn’t a good match for her, if I were interested, she’d give her roommate my number, thinking we’d be better.
In the end it never happened, but it just shows that just because one or both halves of a date may not want a second date, that’s not a failing of either one, necessarily.
It’s not necessarily an easy problem to solve. I think the woman should have given him a chance and generally everyone should avoid reacting so strongly to “dealbreakers” on a first date.
That being said, Anon can also consider not bringing up anime and video games right off the bat. It doesn’t mean you can never share this. It may be just fine given more context (you are moderate about it, still open to other things, etc.). We all make snap judgments that we regret later. It’s ok for you to help your dates avoid these (barring serious things like hiding if you have a kid).
I’m sorry, but dealbreakers are dealbreakers for a reason. And dealbreakers aren’t stuff that should be treated like it can be changed easily. Dealbreakers are things like political alignments, interest in having children, marriage and other stuff.
And asking women to give a guy they don’t like “just a chance” has not done anything ever for anyone, seriously. The amount of times I hear about women giving the “weird guy” a second chance has always ended in the guy either seriously overstepping boundaries or taking the later rejection even worse. I have yet to meet a “weird guy” who hasn’t done something seriously heinous later down the line.
And I am certain you didn’t mean it that way, but saying “It’s ok for you to help your dates avoid these” makes it sound like you’re advocating for invalidating womens opinions, as if they can’t make decisions for themselves and need help from a man to make the “right” one.
It sounds like you know what I was getting at. I recognize the danger women are up against and ultimately, even for trivial things, dating is a “free market” where everyone is allowed to ditch on a dime. I’ll defend that more strongly than my point above.
I do object to the accusation I’m advocating for men making decisions on behalf of women. I meant my comment to apply for any combination of sexes/genders.
The armchair theory I’m working from here is that the quantity of potential dates provided by online dating has changed the landscape in a way where people are less incentivized to give second chances. That helps some in some situations, hurts others in others. I just wanted to put a thought out there to not stray too far to one extreme of “anything that might correlate with them being a bad date is an immediate dealbreaker, because there are ten thousand other swipes waiting for me”.
Yeah if Anon had asked first and she had replied “Taylor swift and watching reality TV” how would he have reacted?
You’re missing the point.
It sounds like you took my post as ‘anime fans aren’t all losers’. I didn’t say that.I was trying to say that it’s okay she rejected him for that and he should be happy that he won’t waste any more dates on a person who considers his hobbies a turn-off.
I was actually agreeing with you. She rejected him for liking anime just like he may have rejected him for liking Taytay & reality TV. As you said, dating is not a speedrun to making some random person like you - it’s a search for someone you like and who likes you back. Personal interests and hobbies are a great proxy to finding that person. But of course you have to be in a good place mentally, and not ready to ditch your dignity for validation from a random person you might not even like if you were frank with yourself.
“Taylor swift and watching reality TV” how would he have reacted?
Can’t speak for anon, but TS is more enjoyable than one would expect. I downloaded Eras for my wife, expecting it to be long and boring, and watched the whole damn thing and recommended it to my friends that would not have considered watching it.
Reality TV is fine, get a steam deck and game while they watch it. It’s so scripted you can stay caught up and gasp at the right moments without looking up.
Yeah i don’t know much about TS but as an extreme metal fan happily married to a K-pop & K-drama fan, I agree with your point. But again, there’s a lot of signal in those various situations.
The girl in the story has clearly signaled that pop-culture tastes are important for her in a potential partner, while you and I have clearly signaled that it isn’t. Both are very valid.
Fake: Anon had the courage to talk with a girl
Gay: anime
I feel like bg3 is gayer tbh
I mean have you SEEN Astarion? I’m not straight enough to say no to that!
If she doesn’t like those things she’s not worth bothering with. Keep looking.
Nah, it doesn’t matter if she likes those things or not. It’s about whether or not she supports you having hobbies/interests that she doesn’t share.
Exactly. You’re never going to share 100% of your interests with a person, but you can still listen to them when they talk about the interests you don’t share. Anon’s date was a jerk for not even trying to engage with anon’s interests.
Pro tip: if this is your date’s reaction to your honest self then it was never gonna work out. You’re better off ditching their dead weight and moving on.
Yup, better to dodge a bullet on the first date than to catch it when you’re emotionally invested.
OP, don’t take dating advice from Lemmy. That’s my biggest tip I’ve got for ya.
Is this dating advice?
It might be?
I had a first date yesterday and we spent the entire time talking about anime and videogames. Sounds like OP just had bad luck.
It’s not just girls, some people just really don’t enjoy anime… me being one of them. I have tried and tried to like it to no avail.
So if a girl was really into anime, that would turn me off because I would assume I would have to at least listen to a lot of anime in my life.
There’s anime fans (“Hellsing is pretty good, Gundam’s pretty cool too”), and anime fans (“KONICHIWA SENPAII~~❤️UwU NANI!?!?”)
Lots, if not most, people who like anime are in the first camp (sub in anime that people watch these days - I am deeply out of touch and know it shows). Lots, if not most, people think of the second camp when they hear someone say “I like anime”.
Wouldn’t necessarily lead with it as a hobby in a dating scenario unless you’re talking TV and movies in general already. But that’s just me, and I haven’t had to think about dating strategy for a loooong time.
I can understand that.
Have you tried watching anime in English dub? Some anime have great dubbing. Recently “Delicious in Dungeon”. The dubbing is amazing. I would even say better than the original. At that point it is just fantasy TV show or cartoon.
Not OP but the subtitles are only part of the reason why anime is a bit hit&miss for me.
Another is the tone, a lot of the emotions are extremely over-exaggerated and in some shows it goes so far as having the characters almost constantly shout. This makes it hard for me to form an emotional bond with the characters, e.g. I aborted my attempt to watch Attack on Titan after about two episodes when I realized that I didn’t care if any of the characters lived or died with a slight preference towards them dying because they were annoying to watch in some cases.
Not sure if it is quite the right term for drawn content but the cinematography conventions in anime can also be annoying with e.g. zooms from extremely wide shots to extreme close-ups. Kill La Kill was a particular negative example among the anime I tried watching that I can remember.
That said, some anime is perfectly fine but it is usually more the kind that is closer to western animation in style and character behaviors (leaning more towards realistic character looks and camera angles and lighting you would see in reality).
You might be more into the darker more serious stuff like: Hellsing, Ghost in the Shell, Berserk, etc.
It’s a bit like not wanting to watch any TV show because all you have seen are RomComs. There are a ton of Anime out there for all kinds of viewers.
Oh, there are certainly some that are worth watching but overall as I said it is more hit&miss than other types of shows (and it is not as if e.g. live action shows or western animation is always great, far from it).
One thing I forgot that only affects some shows too is that anime sometimes seems to have multiple sub-series for a given series with names and no clear indication for the intended order of watching or if one is a remake of another or a prequel or sequel. They might be great but it is a pain to figure out and if you get it wrong you might spoil earlier shows since you started in the middle.
If you’re not a normie, don’t match with hardcore normies. Usually it’s pretty easy to tell.
Yeah, OP dodged a bullet here.
Non-joke response: be true to yourself. OP is fine for liking anime and video games, their date is fine for disliking the same. But don’t feel like either one should change or hide themself whether for a single date, or even their “one true soulmate”! Either scenario is not a lasting strategy. Find someone who likes you for you, even if it’s difficult and takes time…
if i were to guess, i’d say that for people it’s not a problem with those hobbies in particular, but rather with the fact that the question implies you to say the most exciting things you do in a free time, therefore if you answer “anime and playing games” they consider you boring and uninitiative.
Idk “what are your hobbies” sometimes means “what do you do after work” and sometimes it means “what do you love to do when you can scrape together the time, money, and energy?”
You mentioned you like anime, the chances for you being a pedophile and the chances of you assaulting her DRASTICALLY rose, she did the right thing by gtfo
Absolutely braindead take lmao
Nobody cares if you don’t like it but to say such ridiculous inflammatory things like that about people who like different things than you is conservative tier brainrot.
That post was pretty unhinged I’ll say, but anime does have a somewhat troubled history with how it depicts women. Saying you spend a lot of time with anime, odds wise, could be indicative of a flawed view of women, at least from their perspective.
Can you explain the troubled history the works of studio ghibli had?
I really enjoyed those animes and would like to know what wrong with it.
I can’t say ive seen one that was problematic in that way. Maybe Porco Rosso slightly.
Anime is pretty broad. It’s like saying Hollywood has a troubled history with how it depicts women, so film buffs are creepy weirdos.
I think the troubled history isn’t even an issue with anime, but more with weeb culture in the West in the 90s and 00s. When the community is male-dominated, there will be fewer good representations of women in the popular consciousness.
Anime is a lot more mainstream these days and millions of girls and women watch anime tailored specifically to them or general audience anime that makes sure not to lose half its potential viewership. When I’m walking around at an anime convention, the crowd seems split pretty even. Lots of independent women artists selling their fanart too. So to say that being a weeb is indicative of a flawed view of women is an outdated and baseless viewpoint.
You are broadly accurate, but I will add that just because a woman or group of women watch an anime, does not mean that it does not depict women poorly. Biases affect everyone.
Dating scene is terrible on a good day, and sometimes dates just don’t work out. You can’t base your worth on such things.
Also anon, she’s allowed to decide she’s not interested based on anything you did or did not say. That’s kind of how dating works.
Anon realizes that normie women typically suck.
Shouldn’t your dating profile already mention your interests to avoid this situation?
It probably would but this is completely fake so it didn’t
Damn for 4chan, can’t be bothered to properly flesh out their fantasies
Playing devil’s advocate here:
People also absolutely suck at reading profiles. They skim, see some things they like, and go for it. There’s a terrifying amount who don’t even read, just go based off pictures.
Surely if you only look at the picture you’re only interested to fuck. Openly or deceptively.
Sure, first interactions maybe. But not when they already spoke a bunch and went on a date.
All true, but I stand by my assertion that this particular post is fake and/or gay
Any woman that wouldn’t be interested in anime and BG3 probably wouldn’t be lasting prospect for anon anyway and that’s OK. Find a partner that has similar interests to you (and hopefully isn’t too crazy) and you’ve got a decent chance for something that can last.
I think it depends on how OP said it and what exactly they said. There’s a certain type of anime viewer that women (rightfully) are worried to be around. I’m sure this wasn’t the only thing that happened, but when they said anime it confirmed everything she was thinking.
Sooo true! Every friend I have that has a partner/so has or is playing BG3 together. I love hearing them talk about their adventures and always giggle when they get to the romantic side of things - never any jealousy, just cheering each other on 🤭
They dont even have to have similar interests only one. Its more like anime and gaming is a veto for a lot of women and even men from my understanding. People think youre wierd if you do those. I know someone who looks like your typical gym bro so he gets a lot of attention from women but then they get turned off instantly becuase of his hobbies.
I think anime is much more “icky” for women than gaming. Gaming has gone fairly mainstream now, but anime is still associated with weirdos
For me it’s more that I wouldn’t want a guy who spent all the free hours we have just sitting in front of a screen. I love me some animation of all sorts, also into comics, and would like a guy into games meaning like a few hours a week, it’s very cool if we don’t like all the same things. But- I watch maybe 3 hours of TV a week total, and only gaming is Pokemon Go while taking a walk. Would just want someone with some more active habits, if everything they liked involved sitting in a dark room that’s not going to be a good match. One thing I like about my husband is that he works out every day, walks the dogs, is active physically.
Can confirm. My wife is a gamer and we watch anime together. Life is great :)
