Now that we have determined in this thread that a friendly/flirty conversation is indeed not harassment, women are just people too, the old gender roles are dead and public parks are a singles hunting ground, how do I make it clear I’m open to being approached?
Since chatting someone up is out of the question for me, I’d rather hedge my bets on some women using those tricks all you Casanovas left in that thread on me. We’re all progressive here, I don’t see why the man must start this dance.
But I can’t help but notice that this plan has not worked at all yet. How do I express I’m single and ready to mingle, except by just having that printed on my shirt? Like was said, having just a friendly conversation with any gender would be a start, can’t remember those happening in a while either.
Get a dog, or a child; they’re chick-magnets. Even if not your own. Maybe you could take a nephew/niece/whatever to the playground once a week? Walk the neighbour’s dog for a few blocks? As someone else said, once there’s a prop, they’re not approaching you directly, they’re interacting with a common interest, and that’s a good way to meet people.
Get a cute dog. Or a cat on a leash. Give them something to talk about.
Or even better: a pet duck
Yep 🐕
In fact dogs in many ways are better than people for friendship. If only they lived longer. We get blessed by their presence only for so long.
be in the moment
speak about the moment
if that moment isn’t happening, dont force it
have you considered purchasing (or renting?) a Horga’hn?
That’s not something to buy or rent, that’s something personal, something you carve yourself! Preferably on a sunny day in the park, where people can approach you about it. /s
Sorry I can’t be genuinely helpful, I always just kinda slipped into my relationships and an generally quite, no, very clueless. All the best for OP though.
So now I need to get a Horga’hn tattoo or something. How will people know I seek Jahamaron? I can’t believe I haven’t already had this thought. This is obviously where I’ve been going wrong.
You have to talk to them.
Try to just be friends. Try to be funny. Try to be a little irreverent. Unpredictable. Amusing.
Nice day huh?
Did you see that cool show / game last night / dog that ran by just now with a six pack of beer?!
Excuse me you look really familiar. Have we met before?
Hi I’m Fred what’s your name? (Only do this if your name is Fred otherwise it gets awkward)
If they blow you off whatever. That one was just practice.
You got this bud!
Way to miss the question, I know that works for some but for me it’s not going to happen. Unless you can tell me why I can’t take the role that never needs to initiate I’m not interested into being psyched up.
Relationships take effort, like all the time. If you are not willing to put effort into meeting someone, then you are not ready to be in a relationship.
You seriously need to analyze what kind of person you want to attract/ communicate with/ hook up with/ chill with…
Maybe try dating apps so you can filter what you want specifically out of a relationship.
But on the real, you need to open up and broaden your horizons. You can find relationships anywhere on this planet if you’re willing to talk to people, show kindness and compassion.
If you don’t initiate, you rely on others to give you what you want. If you approach yourself, you’re making what you want happen.
There is no “role that never needs to initiate”. Women have always been initiating, just less than men and maybe in a more indirect way. If women want something, they also make sure to try and get it.
In the end, the only thing you’re doing is not taking responsibility about your own happiness.
Women have always been initiating, just (…) in a more indirect way.
Well, tell me those indirect ways!
In the context of cold random approaches, women almost never do that. They don’t need to, because so many men are approaching them that they simply don’t have to do the work. Why would you risk rejection when you can just chill and be approached and thus get guaranteed interest? They just mostly pick out of the approaches they get. Gender roles might be theoretically dead, but practically, they’re very much alive.
One of the indirect ways is simply looking at you and looking friendly. That is them indirectly approaching you by showing you that you can approach them. How to make sure that is their intention is almost impossible because different people have different mannerisms and you don’t know what the person you’re looking at’s mannerisms are. They might just generally look at people and look friendly. For someone else, they might look but look bored and that’s their face for them wanting you to approach them. Or someone looking at you but quickly looking away when you look may be wanting you to approach (they were just embarrassed for staring), but they might also just think you look weird and that’s why they stared.
Approaching someone is not wrong, but it’s almost impossible to know if someone wants to be approached unless you approach them. It’s a paradox without a proper solution.
Unless you can tell me why I can’t take the role that never needs to initiate
Because then it’s simply out of your control if it ever happens. It’s still out of your control if it ever works but having a say in when it happens gives you a massive advantage. Being able to approach someone also makes those instances where you’re being approached far more comfortable. Not trying to make it sound like the other route can’t work out at all but showing initiative is imo the easier route long term. And I say this as someone with social anxiety.
Because gender roles are actually still a thing and (most) women won’t approach strange men in parks.
At a party? Different story. Ideally smaller ones with mutual friends
Just get it printed on a shirt.
Along with something funny.
Use “social props.” I’m not sure if that’s a real term, but like the colored-hair guy said, it’s about creating an easy conversation starter and giving people “permission” to approach you. An interesting hat, reading a book where people can see the cover / title, a pet or a friend’s pet, doing a hobby like painting (you don’t have to be good at it), comic books, musical instrument, D&D manual, playing dominos…whatever! If someone wants to chat, just give them a small natural conversation starter and frequently look up from it, take breaks, smile; so they know it’s ok to interrupt you. If someone shows interest by a prolonged or repeated glance, just smile and say, “Hey are you into ‘whatever’ too?”
Otherwise just get trained in first aid, trip them, and carry around a bunch of bandaids and rubbing alcohol. The Florence Nightingale syndrome is sure to kick in as you tend to their wounds.
Tourniquet!!! I’m losing her!!! We need to amputate. 😟
Listen, officer, the chloroform is for medical reasons!!
Until very recently, I had neon colored hair. Pink, blue, green, orange, purple, red; the whole rainbow. Changed it once every few months.
Women very frequently came up to me to compliment my hair and often would lead to conversations about where I got my dye, who did it, etc. like women stopping their cars in parking lots just to give me a compliment. More often than not it turned into a short convo, that usually ended around the time I mentioned my wife was the artist who did my hair.
Had I known this was a thing before I was married, I would have died my hair in a heartbeat.
I think it may have been a little disarming and was something unique enough that it was worth striking up a convo.
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Damn, if only I had hair.
Where there’s a will, there’s a toupee . I am blessed with a full, thick, luscious dark blonde coupe, but everyone around being so negative about hairpieces made me think about them a lot… Following that, I have come to peace with the fact that I might go bald, and I might not like it, and rando hairpiece-haters around me won’t stop me from going all 18th century on my new hairpiece.
My first own house was in the middle of a lot of cultures that are different from my own, and man did those folks LOVE changing their hair every few days, with pieces or otherwise. Every second shop was selling surrogate hair, and it looked very cool. I think that part of those cultures is fucking rad, and it inspired me to pre-emptively accept my own future toupee, if it ever comes to that.
Rainbow pubes and low cut jeans? 😂
Lots of spinach, hair dye, and v-neck shirts (and low-cut jeans!)! :O I’m so back
An unusual hat works as well. I frequently have people asking questions on my hat.
I’ve always wanted one of these bad boys:
Oh man, that makes me think back to college when I got an eyebrow piercing. I did it because I liked the looks but also as a social experiment, wondering how people’s reactions to me might change.
I expected the worst, but I found that it actually seemed to make most people approach me easier.
I think the lesson is that doing things that are highly visible draw attention. Some will be good, some might be bad, but it’s a conversation starter either way!
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People here talking about “props”, and that’s fair and dandy but only and only if you truly like or are into said props. Because you will attract people who are into that too, but also repel those who aren’t. As a woman I never cared much about either people with dogs or babies. None of my business. But I have approached people with other animals or doing arts for example.
My recommendation would be to join a group activity and stick to it for a couple months. See how it goes, then switch to something else. It can be life drawing, bushwalking, patisserie, guitar, board games- you name it. This puts you back in control because the activity acts as the prop, and by context you are allowed to say “oh such nice drawings, how do you do xyz?” " Are those shoes good for walking?" “Do you bake often?” You start the conversation and it doesn’t need to be personal at all. I’m always surprised to see normal people cross the line and start asking personal questions about me once I make it obvious that I’m open to conversation.
IMO this is the best option. Choose activities you’d like to do and you’ll meet women with similar interests and it’s way easier to connect.
By being interesting.
How you do that is up to you. Like visibly enjoying hobbies, having an eccentric look, going for a fun personality, or being in cool locations. It also allows you to talk about something you personally enjoy.
girls will signal to me that they might be open to having a conversation, but it’s rare that one would directly initiate. the trick for me is recognizing the signals when i see them, and not hanging around for too long especially if it doesn’t look like it’s working out.
What wpuld those signals look like? Maybe OP can use the same to signal others.
eye contact like this @_@
Probably the best thing I ever did to get random people to talk to me was growing a big curly handlebar moustache, now complimented with a long bushy beard.
My fashion choices also tend to make me stand out a bit- brightly colored Hawaiian shirts in the warmer months (I have one with pictures of the dog breed I have on it, that gets a lot of people approaching me,) occasionally a kilt (people love to ask about the kilt) interesting sunglasses, hats (used to wear a bowler occasionally, I’m less of a fan of it these days, panama hat in the summer, etc.)
Clothing and style choices are a little tricky. There’s kind of a fine line between wearing something interesting that makes people want to talk to you and coming across as a fedora-wearing neckbeard who’s trying too hard. Those choices have to look good on you, you have to like them and give off a bit of confidence while wearing them, and it has to be something that will catch the attention of the kind of person you want to attract.
And most importantly, you need to be able to carry a conversation from there. That’s the hard part.
Having some story or a joke at the ready is a pretty good crutch to kind of get yourself over that last part. For example my go-to when people come up to me to compliment my beard/moustache is to joke that “I grew it myself” which is usually good for a chuckle, and then the ice is broken, and you can kind of try to steer the conversation from there.
I’ve had a lot of fun conversations with strangers and made a few friends along the way. I never personally had much luck turning that into a romantic relationship, but that was also never something I actively pursued much in general, I just kind of let things go from there and through friends who I met that way I eventually met my wife.
Hawaiian shirt, interesting sunglasses, hat, beard, moustache… are you Dr Jacobi?
Try to look like you might have cocaine on you.
(Sorry man, I got nothing 😔 )
As other people have mentioned conversation starters, interesting social props, and such, I have to circle back to your original post. You spoke down of printing it on your shirt. I say, don’t print “single and ready to mingle” on it. But something like, “Ask me anything”, you’d be surprised. I was an information resource for a big event and they had a half dozen people in shirts that just said Ask me with a big question mark on it. After the week was over I would sometimes wear the shirt and would have lots of people stop me because of it.
