OK, slightly misleading / over-simplified title (sorry), but I hear practically universal negativity about dilation after a full-depth vaginoplasty, and I wanted to complicate the narrative a little, at least indicate your experiences may vary even in positive ways!
I’m only around 4 weeks post-op, but so far I’ve been surprised by my experiences with dilation.
I expected it to be painful and awful: you are sticking a very hard rod into a cavity that is bleeding and sore and recently carved into a sensitive region of your body. How could that ever be comfortable? And yet, I was shocked at how not only was it not generally painful, it was actually at times quite pleasant.
Not to sugar-coat it, there absolutely can be pain and discomfort, especially when working up to larger sizes. But in a way this is a kind of challenge to go slow and work with your body, and it leads me to practices that can be enjoyable in their own ways. Dilation demands quieting the mind and body, and spending time in a mental space that is quite relaxing. There aren’t many activities in my daily life that truly demand that level of mind-clearing and relaxation, and I started even looking forward to dilation in the first two weeks when I most relied on absolute calm and relaxation.
After the second week it became boring, waiting for the clock - but that too just became a challenge that was solved in ways that became enjoyment. Instead of waiting for a timer to go off and staring at a ceiling, I used the time to watch video essays and movies (even if segmented by the dilation schedule).
Another surprising aspect was the way that dilation actually became pleasurable itself. Again, I don’t want to mislead, the dilation is very not-sexy, you’re sticking a hard rod into a swollen cavity and holding it there. But, after a few weeks and as I worked up the Green and Orange sizes (1 3/8" and 1.5" respectively) I found in the last 5 minutes or so of my dilation my body became so relaxed that it started to feel really great to sort of push the dilator back and forth a little, massaging my prostate and even stimulating my clit through the canal. I had an orgasm by accident this morning from it (which is a mistake, it’s too early and this can compromise my healing).
Besides these benefits, I’ve also been surprised at how it doesn’t feel as much of a chore as I was told. It’s a little annoying to spend the time (I anticipate this will suck the more I recover and want to do other things with my day) but I sort of like the alone time. It also didn’t take as much time to dilate as expected. The second week post-op, I felt a bit confused by my experiences - I was able to dilate in under 30 minutes and was wondering why people talked so much about how dilation takes up their entire day.
So just know experiences can vary significantly - some people spend hours trying to get the dilator in and it can be exhausting and painful. But it can also be an enjoyable time, so it’s good to be prepared, but also be open to a wide range of possibilities!
ah, I could easily see that happening to me; every day the largest dilator is just so uncomfortable and it takes so much time and pain for it to stretch everything out, and doing that every day multiple times a day could be quite a burden.
I completely understand getting exhausted with that task and not prioritizing it - that’s fair. This was a concern I had for myself, I even considered a shallow-depth / vulvaplasty for this reason (and I mean, there are so many reasons to do it - fewer risks, faster recovery, etc.). I’ve had struggles with executive dysfunction, so I was really concerned.
I’ll just have to see how it goes - but I’ve also been told that maintaining width is really up to the individual. There’s no imperative to maintain a given width, and I’ve heard of people slowly stretching and getting width back after they paused dilation for a long time.
I’m not sure how you feel about giving up on dilation, but it seems like it might be less of a big deal than some people make it out to be, at least.
Either way, thank you for sharing your experiences - I’m so lucky to be able to learn from you. ❤️
My case was a bit more complicated than my previous post outlined. After a year or so of dilating, and having difficulties, I went back to my surgeon for a followup when I was supporting a friend who was having surgery with the same surgeon.
He had a look at things, and confirmed the presence of scarring causing the issue, but his examination also triggered something like vaginismus, and it became impossible for me to dilate with anything but the smallest dilator for a month or so after. By the time that issue resolved, I had lost more depth and girth from the lack of meaningful dilation. So I spent some time trying to regain what I had lost, but ultimately getting back to where I was before the vaginismus would have taken months, with no guarantees of success, but given that even full success was back to a starting point that wasn’t working for me, it become really hard to keep dilating.
And then covid happened, and my surgeon cleared his lists and stopped taking bookings. I wasn’t able to have penetrative sex anyway even before any of this happened, so at that point, I couldn’t see the point in continuing.
It was a pretty big deal for me, and it left me feeling crushed. But, the way I looked at it was that even though I couldn’t have the sex life I had hoped for, that was also true before I had bottom surgery, but bottom surgery left me feeling comfortable in my body in a way I’d never had access to before, so I was still better off than where I started, even if I didn’t end up where I had hoped to.
I’m so sorry 🫂
That’s such a tough story - especially that the surgeon made it worse. Was the vaginismus like involuntary contractions that created too much resistance for the dilator?
And I assume the surgeon might have had some solution for you if covid hadn’t happened?
This is just heart-breaking Ada. But I’m impressed by your healthy and adaptive mindset about it.
Has there been any thought about seeing the surgeon again or looking into rehabilitation, or is it easier to have moved on?
Not contractions, more like a permanent contraction. Well, semi permanent, as it resolved eventually. But until then, it was contracted tight 24/7
My surgeon retired, as did one of the others, leaving a single Australian surgeon with a long wait list, with no guarantees he could fix it, especially given it was another surgeons work. In theory though, I could get PPV with him, but still an uncertain outcome at the end of a long wait list.
In theory I’ll do it one day, but the older I get, the less likely I’ll bother
Heh. That’s me with the benefit of time. When I was going through it, I didn’t have a healthy adaptive mindset